So I’ve thought a lot about this...
At first I was flattered to hear you say that you want me to get married, but only if that man loves me as much as you do... I loved the idea that you feel you love me that much, but then it came around to me.
I actually don’t feel comforted that you don’t want me to marry someone, that you don’t want me to have that stability & devotion, & love & whatever else comes with it, unless he loves me like you do. I’m very grateful for your honesty: your authentic honesty & candor I prefer & respect above all else, & with it, I receive opportunities like this to have these discussions with myself, & with you...
I don’t want to marry a man who loves me like you do, because you love me from afar, like I’m some pretty bird kept in a gilded cage, without touch & without freedom. Actually, ironically you love me almost identically to how my most recent failed engagement loves me - you both love the idea of me. You both love the shiny, siren-like beauty & enthusiasm & energy I possess, you both love being the man who broke the wild woman’s back, taming her, domesticating her... but neither of you chose to commit to me in real everyday life. That devoted love that says, no that shows: come what may & life is hard, very hard, so I know that lots will come, shit that none of us ever guessed will come! But, come what may we’ll figure it out, together. I’m not going anywhere, I promise, we’ll figure it out together. Life is better together, it’s twice the good & half the bad... come what may, I’m devoted to you - I’m devoted to us.
That is the marriage I desire, & believe I will one day be a partner of. So I’m asking you, please, with all the love you have for me, will you use it to want that for me too?
I love you forever.